After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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