I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
