Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
