his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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