Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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