It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
