On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
