dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Your cock deserves a montage
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
