Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
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