How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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