k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
