Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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