Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
