So drunk its hurt
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
