i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
