I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
