call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
