your thong is hanging out like whoa
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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