I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
