Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
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