he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
