Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
