yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
