Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
