ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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