My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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