I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
