there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Randomize
