i don't like sucking hair
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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