my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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