I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
