So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize
