Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
