your parents love me but you hate me
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
