I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
