Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Slut skills are useful in every country.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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