She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
