I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
