ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'm bleeding and have questions
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
