tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
