Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
