6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
