Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
please don't ironically join a cult
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