Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
She said her name was "party"
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Randomize
