I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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