Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
