After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
