I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
It's shark week go big or go home
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