omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
