All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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