So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
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