the condom got lost in my hair
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
