My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
